Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sister Fitch: September 5, 2011

RE: Where does one buy chill pills?
Hello all!  It's been an interesting week.  Here goes it:
So, it was transfer week, just like for Mark!  And just like Mark, it was a loooooong week.  The new sisters came and are working hard in Riverside (the family ward that used to be ours).  It's a real challenge because they don't know the area and have been getting lost every day.  It's hard--Ottowa isn't like Toronto or Montreal, but its still a pretty big city and easy to get lost.  Most of the time I have no idea where we are.  Oh well!  Since we don't have a car any more (Riverside got it) we're getting really good at the buses.  And we're walking lots, so that's good.  I love to walk. 
The first half of the week, besides transfers, was pretty typical.  Then, Thursday came.  Oh man.  It started out fine, we had zone study, had lunch as a zone, and then we headed off for the Ottowa Mission where we do our service every week.  When we got there we had a text from one of our investigators.  He's a middle aged man in Riverside, and he's been doing really well.  He's had a rough few years and suffers from depression.  We got a text from him, and it was a goodbye--a suicidal goodbye.  It was a horrible hour or two.  Sister Palmer had the phone so after we tried calling our investigator, we called our Stake President to see what to do.  He said call 911, so we did.  Everything turned out okay--the police went to his house and we really don't know many details except that he didn't follow through and he's mad at us for calling the police.  Better mad than dead.  I haven't been that afraid in a long time.  It was a funny kind of afraid, though--being on a mission has helped me realize to a much deeper level how involved God is in this work and in our lives, and so I knew that He knew what was going on.  I was trembling and nauseated and not having much fun.  The young woman who runs the show at the mission let me stay in back instead of being right on the line (handing people their food and such) so that I could chill out.  I was cutting bagels, but my mind wasn't really on it, so I managed to cut my finger open.  Not badly, but enough that they gave me a different job that didn't involve knives.  We get to do service with our district leader and his companion, and they are awesome.  We see them four times a week--church, p-day, district study, and service.  So, we're good friends.  My district leader made me tell him stories to get my mind off of things, and it worked like a charm.  We left and the only remaining negative emotion was that I was MAD at our investigator for scaring me so bad.  Mostly I'm over it now, though :)
So, then we had a lesson to go to with one of our committeds.  We found out that she's concerned about Polygamy.  Not polygamy itself, but the fact that it wasn't okay, then it was, then it wasn't again.  We explained it--that God doesn't change, the world does, and society, and God knows what we need when we need it and the prophet acts as God commands.  But, I'm not sure it really answered her concerns.  Our members who we teach her with are great, but I think she felt out numbered.  She said she "tentatively decided NOT to be baptized."  But, she's not sure yet.  Pray for her.  Then, our xbox boy who we got back in contact with, tried to drop us again.  We convinced him to let us see him again, but I don't know--I'm trying to have the faith to not be afraid.  Fear and Faith are opposites.  But I can't help but worry about him and the others.  This week I have been getting really frustrated with the fact that people don't understand how precious the gospel is, and how it answers every question and gives us the peace and faith to not worry about questions to which there just are no answers for right now. 
SO. The wind was taken out of my sails a bit this week, BUT.  But, I have learned many important lessons.  The stress has kind of helped me bring out my personality and remember things I like and don't like.  This sounds silly, but bear with me, it was important. FOOD.  I remembered this week how much I like food.  LOVE food.  And rather than just settling for what everyone else is eating (or just my comp since its usually her I eat with...) I'm going to eat things I LOVE to eat.  I am going to treat myself to that--I like it, its me, so I'm going to do it.  Sometimes I try too hard to fit in.  Things are still great with my comp--I realized something kind of funny about myself, that I don't like much and am going to work on, but I realized that I tend to mirror people and their attitudes when I first meet them, and then have to kind of wriggle out of that and be myself again later.  So, we still get along really well, but we are definately different.  It's fun being myself.  I like it.  The mission is funny in that it shows you very plainly your weaknesses and attitudes you need to change and where you need to grow your faith--but during the whole process, you feel absolutely adored by God.  Little miracles, tender mercies (like catching buses you should have missed or members doing kind things for us) and peaceful feelings help you to see that YOU are special.  That God loves YOU. 
I had an interesting dream last night--I didn't think too much of it until this morning when I was saying my prayers.  I dreamed about my cousin, Stephanie.  (for anyone besides the fam thats reading the blog, she died some time ago when she was about my age.)  I never was REALLY close to her, but I always looked up to her and thought she was the most beautiful, wonderful person.  Her SMILE is what I remember most.  So, in my dream, Steph showed up at my house.  She just walked in, like it was natural for her to be there, and it felt natural for me too.  "Hey, Steph!" I said.  She smiled her smile, and gave me a big, big hug.  She took me by my shoulders and looked me in the eye and told me I was beautiful.  The way she said it, though, I knew she was talking about my soul, not my face.  I really didn't think much about it, until I was praying.  Maybe I am just making silly connections in my brain, or maybe it was Heavenly Father teaching me, but I thought about her, and Grandma Bean, Grandpa Fitch, Uncle Steve--everyone who has gone before.  I always felt like there must be a legion of angels for each missionary, but I wondered if that Legion is really my family members and friends.  It was a really nice thought.  Really comforting. Really encouraging. 
The week was crazy--we had dinner with eleven drunk Chinese people, saw MosAika (youtube it) and other things like running for buses and such.  But, it was good.  I love knowing that we are all loved by God.  It helps.  Lots.  Well, I think this is sufficiently long.  I LOVE you all, thanks for your support and your letters.  You're the greatest.  Without you, I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be learning and growing like I am. Thank you :)
Much love,

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